3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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