no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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