proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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