I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
