i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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