On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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