It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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