Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
