The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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