he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Pooping to opera.
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