Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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