White coat. Heels.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
