she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
