I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
that may or may not have been my penis.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
