Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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