Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
