He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Boobs speak an international language.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
