I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
