Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
