Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
