I want to stick my p in your. b.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
