Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
