I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
