Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
