When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
just found out that she named her cat after me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Randomize
