fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
