We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
