Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
