my vag is so smooth its legendary
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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