Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
