your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
