We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
