I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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