Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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