Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
