i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
