I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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