Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
