I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
