So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
