he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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