Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
