I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I didn't notice because vodka
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
