You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
