you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
