Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
