walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
