Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
