you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
