...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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