eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
