I want you more than these girls want KFC
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
