OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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