forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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