i would punch a child for taco bell
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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