i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
