fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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