Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
